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"People with disability who usually have more empathy, understanding and joy in them"?

Updated: Oct 2, 2023

"Disabled people, people who usually have more empathy, understanding and joy in them than any of us. And certainly the last to wish someone ill." - I came across these words by chance yesterday.

These are 'wisdoms' from (Polish website with memes), but sometimes I get the unmistakable impression that non-disabled people want to see us 'THAT way', and most of them do. By the way, I would like to add that I saw this post on the website of a girl who is also in a wheelchair and proudly shared such a "glorification" of the disabled, shooting herself in the knee.

I don't know where to begin to make you understand what I'm trying to say. Of course, everyone will have a different opinion. I would love to hear them. But before you add your comment, please read what I have to say. Thank you very much.

I am physically disabled. Just physically, so theoretically my brain should be the same as a healthy person, right? By the same, I mean intellectually, of course, not mentally retarded or having the same cognitive characteristics that identify Homo sapiens.

Please answer a few questions for me, OK?

  • Do you ever get angry?

  • Are you now or have you ever been angry with anyone?

  • Do you sometimes swear like a cobbler?

  • Are you a believer but not a practitioner, or worse, an atheist?

  • Have you cheated or thought about cheating at least once in your life?

  • Have you ever been in a fight or been the provocateur?

  • Have you ever been fed up with people and the world?

  • And finally, the last question: Have you ever wished someone bad luck?

I am sure the answer to most, if not all, of these questions is YES.

Of course... we can argue about the last one, I hope there are not too many people like that.

Exactly... We are aware of the fact that among people (without disabilities) there are good and bad (we are using this example now, but someone who wishes someone bad in anger does not have to be a bad person). So why do we not allow the idea that a disabled person can also be a "social pariah"? Sorry, I had to.

We are human too, we have headaches, we get annoyed by the weather or simply by the other person, sometimes for no reason at all! A disabled person is not an oasis of calm....

By the way, can someone answer my question the other way round?

Why is it that when an able-bodied person fights and strives for their goal, it is admirable and ambitious, but when a disabled person does the same, they hear - "in a wheelchair they think they are entitled to everything", "mother, they are so entitled", "they always have problems everywhere".

I think now that, for example, I have often had sharp exchanges with the "coffee lady" in offices because she did not have time to help me or simply did not have the competence to do so. So what now? What did the other healthy people standing next to me think of me? Probably what 99% of the population thought of me... I am entitled, I am rude and I think I deserve everything because I am sick. To make things even funnier, I have this one friend (non-disabled) who is always putting all these ladies up in offices and what? She hears behind her back, "You gave her a good talking to!"). Well, I've never heard that and I probably won't.

Until yesterday, I thought it was the able-bodied people themselves who had invented this image of the disabled. But I don't really know why. To make people look at us better? To feel more pity? After all, it's the feeling of pity that makes us feel a little better, isn't it? But when I saw such a post on a disabled woman's page, I froze. Of course, in the comments almost all disabled people shared my opinion. But the good thing is that they didn't indulge in fantasy and fabrication.

Really, I'm appealing to all disabled people: let's not make an uphill struggle for ourselves. Then we are suddenly surprised when we are mean, demanding or ungrateful to people without disabilities, just because we sometimes behave in ways that are typical of homo sapiens and not liked by everyone else. Homo sapiens, but only for the healthy, not for the disabled!

If they have such an idealised image of us in their minds, and suddenly they meet me, for example, then I feel sorry for them and am sorry to disappoint them.

I am not pretending to be anyone, I am not a martyr or Mother Teresa of Calcutta. I am a 33-year-old woman who has her faults and I am not going to hide them just to further idealise the image of an invalid.

I didn't know which image to choose, and since necessity is the mother of invention, here it is.


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